On being a husband (for dummies)

The old saying rings true, "Youth is wasted on the young."

However, when you are a young husband you are still married no matter how stupid you are. We need some help. Today, God has been pleased to give me some tools from my readings in Ephesians 5 to curb my rampant stupidity as a husband.

Here is the text that is very familiar but a simple meditation has given me some tools as I (as all husbands should) to be more like Jesus in my daily interactions with my wife. Maybe it's what you need to hear too, dear reader.

Here is the text in full:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should loe their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Ephesians 5 :25-31 ESV)

Paul has two basic truths that you must believe before you are to biblically love your wife. If you do not understand these both at an intellectual and a heart level, then you will not get Paul's point in this passage. The first truth is a root to a loving marraige and the second one is the rich soil that the root draws all its nutrients from. Here they are...

1. Husbands and wives are really one person. Now in one sense, yes yes, people will be judged on their own works and God looks at people individually. Yes...husbands and wives are indeed different people. However, on a much deeper level than that God sees a married couple as uniquely one. There is no other human relationship quite like this mentioned in the scripture. They are not one in some cheesy-cliche -Jannette-Oke-novel- romantic-Hallmark-card-way-of-saying, "Oh we are one!" But something like that... To what degree are husbands and wives one? To the degree that Paul says, "He who loves his wife loves himself" Yourself is your wife, your wife is yourself, God views you as one. Paul backs up his claim by quoting from Genesis 2 at the first wedding ceremony. A married couple is "one flesh". For aide to appreciate this more...Imagine your wife taking a long trip away from you, imagine even if she is half way across the globe and imagine God looking at you both and saying to himself, "They are still one even though they are far apart, I see their physical proximity but they might as well be cuddled up together because they are truly one" One can understand this, but if you are not feeling how special and unique this is right now then pray that God would give that to you. Until you feel it, this tool for loving your wife is useless, but maybe the second point will help you.


2. Christ and his church are one person too. Paul writes in our passage, "...just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body" Paul connects Christ and Christians in the same way he connects husband and wife. In almost the exact same way. Yes, it is true, we are not Jesus, we are not God, we are not real physical parts of His body, we are in one sense completely different beings. But Paul links the comparison between Christ and Christians by saying, "just as Christ..." God the Father views Jesus and his people as one in the same way the husbands and wives are one. Despite all our sin, our powerlessness, our mortality, our mixed motives for doing things, we are one. We are, as Paul says so many times in his letters "in Christ". Do you love Jesus? Christians know what it means to commune with the living God...to speak with the author of the universe, and to speak to the author of love, and to speak to the one who sent his only Son to die for you. You are one with that God. In the same way He loves you and is one with you, you are to love your dear wife (to whom you are one with) in the same way. Knowing Jesus first is what will then help you understand how to love your wife. That is why I said that this part is the soil that the root draws its nutrients from.

So how do we practically do this? Good question. It is tremendously simple, however, only a Christian can understand this. All Chrisitans have the Holy Spirit guiding them, if you don't have the Spirit (aka not a Christian) then you don't have the ability to do this. Here you go:

Simply labor in meditation and prayer over these truths from Ephesians 5 and pray that the Lord fill you with joy over these things so that you can truly believe them.

Thats it....wait...Thats it?

Yep, because the problem is not in the doing of the practical things of loving your wife (there are a kajillion books in the booksstores about that), but having a heart that is full of joy and understanding of these truths so that the practical things of loving your wife bubble out from you naturally. If you trust the Lord and pray to Him and meditate on the word, He will answer you and give you the joy and understanding you need. All of our actions flow from our heart and God's word will change your heart. The heart is the issue.

For example: You will find yourself thinking when you are positioning yourself in some situation so that you can get your way, "To the degree that I am right now trying to get my own way, I should try just as hard to not please myself but to please her." In this way your natural selfishness is turned into your teacher on how to love your wife. You then make your self-seeking ways as a pattern for Christ-like love. But if these truths are not full in your heart then you won't think this way at all. You'll forget all about Christ and just be plain selfish. However, with the Spirit's help in making these truths alive...you can do it.

So on behalf of all (part-time) stupid selfish husbands everywhere....let us change for the good of our wife (aka ourselves) and for the glory of God in the world.